kiomia

Today my sister got rejected by the company she sent her project to. She received it just before the family went to the restaurant of her choice. Right when she heard that it was a letter sent to her we both knew the news.

Her face went completely pale, and her lips literally turned white. In my life I've never seen blood lose out of another's face happen so fast. And I've never seen anyone's lips turn a color lighter then their skin. Pale skin I must say.

She was extremely upset. The car ride to Rock fish was the longest car ride. Also, I was really very upset, wondering what we should do next. I knew why Heather's wasn't accepted so they in conclusion would be a big negative for me as well.

Colored returned to her face later while she was eating but she didn't talk the whole time. Sorry Heather...

But later that night Heather and I spent our time laughing and feeling quiet a bit better then just hours before. We both read the whole letter and at the end they told her that she had a lot of potential and after some crit they said they hoped to see more of her work.

Though now I will have to stop all what I had planed and start on a new short comic at least Heather's a little bit more happy. I really wanted to get start on dreaming of Illusions because I love it so, but its all fine.

I'm kind of upset in a way because I feel as though people who knew her already knew she would not be accepted. My brother didn't read her comic nor did any of our friends. That was most upsetting to me I think....

It's all fine...
I think today I will rest and start on it tomorrow.

My dad has serious problems. Really,....I'm not playing around.

Just a second ago while I was watching TV with my mom a joke led into an argument with my dad that had me so scared and wishing that my parents would get divorced so I could just live with my mom.

Mom saw some of dads trash on the counter and made a joke about it and asked him to pick it up. A few seconds later dad is cussing and yelling at her calling her all sorts of words that shouldn't be said in a house hold or anywhere for that manner. And I don't mean yelling....I mean.....his veins where coming out of his neck and he was practically spitting on her.

He kept accusing her of starting an argument. Suddenly he turned to me while I was sitting on the couch and he started cussing at me as well telling me to "fucking pick up the drink." Soon after that he threw the drinks at me and continued to cuss at my mom.

It got really quiet for a while because when things like this happen the last thing any of us want to do is make a conversation pless I was still in shock that he just threw a drink at me. Quietly I got up changed my cloths, cleaned the couch, and sat down.

Then just seconds after wards dad started yelling again like before calling my mom a bitch. Mom just kept telling him "What's wrong with you?!" "What the hell is wrong with you?!" "You need help." "You really just need help."

Dad just kept saying how he was just going to leave, to get away....and my mom said she wanted him too. I wanted him to.

Before he slammed the door to his room he called her a "fat bitch" and he didn't show up again.

..........It's when things like this happen.....I want to look my friends and my face and just cry. I look to people who make journals complaining about shit......treating their fans like shit.....and just shake my head at them.....

No one deserves this. I don't deserve this, especially my mom. She was just making a joke and even if it wasn't....my god.

Candy man for Nat.

It just started raining....

In 8 months I will be leaving to New York

During Senior Year some friendships fall, and some grow stronger. This may be because friends will depart and won't see each other as much as they did in the past. I guess this year made me realize who I was, who my friends where, and who my father was.

Dad has been really nice for the past few months and at first it pissed me off. How can some one who has been so cruel to you, out of no where be so nice to you. Dad...one day he must have realized that this all will end soon, and that he can no longer hold my past against me or himself. He finally let it all go.
So it is time for me to let it all go. Things will never be the way they used to be, and it's time to just say goodbye and move on smiling. I have been a lot nicer to father and will be after I leave. Because I am better then this.
Kids who say "Blah! I want to get away from this place! My family is stupid!: are truly idiotic, immature, and irresponsible people. You can't always run away from your problems.
The world doesn't always revolve around oneself, it revolves around no one but itself. Your friends are not characters in your life so just because you treat them like shit doesn't mean they will come back apologizing.

Yesterday night I grieved over losing what was good to me, but today I got up and smiled. Like in Macbeth, Macduff grieved like a man for his family before he got up to beat the crap out of Macbeth.

I've been sick all weekend from the flu.... it's not really a surprise sense it seems like the whole art class came down with it, and a huge percentage of the school.
    Today is the first day of the semester and I have 1st and 7th period off. More sleeping for me! YES! im so tired of waking up at 5:20 every morning. I'll be taking P.E this semester, which isn't so bad. It's fourth period so maybe i'll be in the same GYM as Alex, unless her class period changed.
    I also got accepted into SVA! I'm excited but at the same time scared...because i'll have loans to pay off.

How evil are you?

Im pure evil! yay~

Hahaha



Aw I really miss Freakaziod! That had to have been the most random, most hilarious show I had ever seen. It's to bad that don't play it anymore....

Yesterday I went about looking through my old journals, making most of them private because in ways I sort of realized I would rather keep most of personal opinions to myself. Blogging has never really been my thing, nor has my space. Failed to see the point in browsing around peoples pages leaving comments on friends pages and photos all day, but people have their hobbies. We all get bored.
Though I must say...while I was going through my past entries i was horrified; that BellZ picture. His head was huge! Like he has some sort of morphed tumor and poor baby needed some severe help.

I also started to read some short stories of H.P. Lovecraft, and i was really surprised. I fell in love with his way of structuring sentences and showing imagery with out using quotations. His sense of wording and vocabulary really drew me in and the symbolism in his stories is just amazing in itself. From the look of it I thought that his work would be of sort of spine chilling horror, but from I have seen it was just a unique sight at life itself. Violence, sex nor any sort of sense of fan service didn't exist, and after reading just a few pages a sort of comfort would come over me.

Also yesterday I decided to scan in my Dare picture:


With all do respect please do not comment on how much he looks like certain characters.Through past experiences I know it is easy to do so but please don't. From the earing on his ears to the red dye, there is symbolism in every aspect of every character I do. I have not designed him this way for my own eye candy. Meanwhile, I was really really happy with how this had turned out, even though this picture was drawn some time in March. Over the past few months I have tried to somehow less complicate my own style and make it more cartoony so that some how its more iconic and not so descriptive that way people's minds can take their own leaps in ways of trying to take a character in. Yeah that didn't work. It always ended up turning into some version of the style i am showing you now. But I do love him allot. At first he had dark brown hair but heather pointed out maybe having red hair because that is how she pictured him and that it may make his characterization more present. I must say I agree even though red hair is illustrated way to often but then i came to conclusion that it dominates that "fake" part of his character.

Yeah I always see these silly damn Quizs ...had to take one i guess *girlish teenage roll eye move*-  wow that sounded like an awesome Teken 5 attack (wait... there is a Teken 5 right?)

"As for growing up, I don't think many people grow up as they move into different problems and responsibilities. How you take the responsibilities at hand and endure with them if you do endure them. Fuck "grown ups", fuck "manly" bullshit, fuck "everybody says" and fuck "rites of passage", its all a bunch of bullshit made by little people to attain a status of superiority and domination. Rise above it.Give yourself credit and thank yourself for being you and only you and fighting to be yourself because everything has a price and you'll have to pay for it in this life or the next. Thank your fucking self not anyone else!"

How I agree so much with that statement.

I've been really tired the whole day, The feeling of Fridays is as much appealing as dissatisfying, ugh...



On a positive note, i almost got teddy sketched ^^, yaaayyy

SO...frustrated...

yay.^^

We all drove for 3 hours to austin, and man was it a painful ride. Phoenix Wright was by my side though, i got to play the game didn't get to far though. Damn its a hard game! (the second game, or at least i think its hard personally ^^;).

When I got there I was sweating bullets..scared to shit. You know that feeling of being really nauseas and shaking allot? Yes i had that feeling as I stood in a REALLY long time. Looking around I saw beautiful artwork, paintings...sculptors and in my head all I thought was "OH SHIT!!! i am so screwed!" I love my artwork allot but I am a cartoonist...i don't like realism much....but for portfolio day I was forced to go out of my comfort zone and do something a bit more 3 dimensional....I also didn't have to much time to bring my portfolio together so i really didn't know how good i was.

When I finally got to the people of SVA I stood and showed them my work, as I signed there little paper I was shaking like crazy...I hope they can actually read my hand writing.
She looked through it all and at first i was thinking that she hated it. She sat and gave me alot of critism on what i should work on...what I should add, it really didn't look to promising. She also compared some one of my pictures to Jhonen (she pronounced it as Yohan) and when i heard it I couldn't help but correct her. It must have came off as really rude because she gave me a really weird look and said "oh...well i thought it was Yohan."

The picture looked absolutely nothing like his work though! No resemblance whatso ever. Actually the picture she was comparing is the one i drew for Lenore.."Catch me Get me." Maybe you guys think it does....but i wasn't even thinking of jhonen when drawing it. The eyes are small...the legs...arms...nothing is the same...so i was startled.
Damn like my heart sunk into my like...liver.....

But then she just puts all my work together hands it to me and says "Ok you passed the visual, all you need to do is turn in your application." and she just stood there and i just.....stared at her...like "WHAT?!" "Say that again?" In my head I sort of thought it would be like Top chief were they give you a dramatic pause a shifty eye and wait for you to literally piss yourself before telling you anything.

I am still in a Daze about it all...like what? RYE-BREAD is currently going there...he is like really good! i thought this would be so difficult...

Oh well i love SVA :3, i really really enjoyed my time there so i am soo happy.

I stopped by Ringling and some other school and they said I had potential to get into their schools but i needed to put a little more to it...but they seemed a little iffy about it because it was mostly cartoons. That really...really...made me feel down...they were just so "50%" on it all. The Texas school guy only told me stories and made fun of my sense my figure drawing models didn't have arms or hands (i swear i didn't even notice i left then out!) .....so i am like....how the hell did i get into SVA?

OH OH! my sister got in too,ImagineTheEnding, They LOVED her artwork....more then mine, the ringling school loved her..thought she was really talented. *so jelous*

Well I am happy for once :3, don't really have a reason to be negative.

and a tip for art majors: NO ANIME!! NO NO NO. If you do anime do your own style all together, they hate it. Be yourself.

woo...now all i need to do is hope they actually accept the application.

Portfolio day tomorrow... All the art students were supporting me, so i felt really good for once, my parents also cheered me on as well.

Even though when i look down on my pictures and...I feel a bit ashamed cuzz i know i could do better, i am still proud of it.

I am so used to like failing that I've already planned out how it will all go afterwards...haha wow i am pathetic. *cry*.

Man no one comments my LJ anymore O.o. Oh well i am tired.
Here is one picture, i don't like it as much as my other ones but i wanted to show you :3.

I really envy people who draw like this http://snooka.deviantart.com/art/lawls-49198428

Yea...it's pretty weird to say from someone like me. Most often people want to smack me in the face and they yell "Have you SEEN your drawings."

But really...I do envy them. Even though that picture if of Jthm there is a style to it. Even through nothing is in paportion something about it thats nice. With me I look at Jhonen's work and I say "wow its amazing." But I know that if it had been me drawing it would have hated it.
The nose is to close to the chin, the mouth is to close to the nose. The eyes aren't symmetrical with the rest of his body, why do the shoulders look weird?

The reason why i love cartoons and want to major in cartoons is get out of my head and challenge myself. I know I pretty much suck at cartoons, and my realistic pictures...*sigh*. I mean they look good...I guess? People always say they do but it bores me. Everything has laws, the nose has to be this far from the eyes.....blah blah blah. I hate it.

Like I do envy my sister to...

Every time i try and draw my own style (don't really...have one yet) I end up just hating it....it never has feeling to it...the lines don't amaze me. When I draw Aaron's work...Jhonen...anyone I Love the way the lines fall onto each other. It seems that gravity falls on it right and that its symmetrical.

Its not like some really freaking crazy shit out there who's art work are really fast lines and no real deferent volume to it.

People may wish to switch spots with me, draw like how i can. But i actually envy you..and wish i were you. When I draw its about mathematics. It's not to much on how fun it is...it doesn't come from me...it doesn't.....feel right.

I can't believe how much i question myself as the day goes on. What will become of me? IS there is a point?

I think to much...sorry. Though i hope to get into SVA, i have tried really hard. Or have I?

Had a whole entry planned out...but i just...wanted to type to myself...it's just something i need to type because I wouldn't know how to say it in words you can go ahead and laugh at the first part haha... I had that whole scene in my head for days.

____________________________________
03051221

.... you know I've been thinking, I know that I always look back in my life and say how much I want to be there and never here. I am always regretting things and remembering all the bad events and people that go by. In ways I always just said that I have changed, that I miss the times when I saw something when I looked out my bus window. I just didn't see trees, I didn't see the water, I saw a story. Many times I thought I would be able to share it with someone else. For the past year all I think about is how horrible the events were in my life, and how the hell I am going to pick myself up.
The past few days, there is a sinking feeling in my stomach every time I try to pick up a pencil. I get so frustrated and so nervous that the only thing to distract me from my fears, from my worries is music. It's a distraction....it's something.
At this moment in time I want this to last forever.
I don't feel bad for things that I have done, I don't regret the way my life is going. Maybe people will tell me "Well thats good Michelle ^^" and maybe thats ok.

I am just scared that I won't remember that the world around you is a story, its a beautiful place. That maybe when you look into the Moon...and you look into those stars somehow some way you will reach to were you want to be. You can escape and live in a world surrounded by what you loved as a child and everything you believed.

Sometimes we forget. I don't ever want to forget, I never want to forget the happy moments in my life. When I go to sleep and I wake up....I hope it doesn't go away.

Because it always does.

When I grow up and when I become something, and if I do...Please...just keep me as me. Don't make me into a someone you know I am not. Help me remember my dreams, remember Kayame....remember my friends.

Maybe I won't get into SVA, but I am going to try. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up, and it will all be different...its always different but I just...want to remember and be me.

"Every comic should be nothing but hot, hot Tetris."-Aaron A.

Haha....that's the comment he made when he saw the comic heather and I drew, she tends to like to spam his live journal....psft

Loser.

Just play'n, anyways I really liked this video: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/396301
So enjoy!

Yes...senior pictures, did anyone dislike that.

I took those today, taking pictures is really awkward especially for me sense i look terrible in them. But we had a lot of fun, there was this on lady working there that kept making us laugh. At some point she just kept messing around with my hair and cracking jokes while she was at it and her assistant kept getting mad at her because we could never get a photo done, she also tried to put lip stick on me, she kept saying "Pucker up!" and i just couldn't stop giggling because of how silly it was. I really really dislike lip stick so i really don't even know how to put it on...so it just looked so bad, and it was my mom's lip stick! Bright brown lip stick. She also braided my hair at some point too so i looked like a Texas cow girl.

Sense it was both My sister and I taking pictures it took a really long time, we did single photos then we did some together and man the people behind us in line (there was a long long line) were so inpatient and frustrated.

And well I think I'm not to sure how they turned out.....I think i may have blinked a few times.

Hmm...Art work wise I am doing a little funny comic, but i really haven't drawn much. damn..i need to work on my portfolio.

School will be starting soon. I must say I'm not to excited nor am i really to bummed out. Art classes are taking up most of my schedule, but i do have Team sports G on my schedule...and that may be a bad thing. I don't remember signing up for it.

Nothing really has been up, just been working on my portfolio for SVA and hope i get in.
Struggling with Comics too- I may not be doing the S.E.Z for right now. My main priority is to be my portfolio and Holy Upawns so wish me luck.

Here is a list of useful supplies for Cartoon artist (SVA told us good supplies)=

Bistrol Papper= Nice paper, if you love Mechanical pencil you will love this, and ink will not go through it so i LOVE this paper.
I prefer 14 by 17 because its big but not too big.

Nice tip: if your trying to do comics get a ruler and measure 1 inch around and use it for a border. When comics get published the scanner
cuts off the edges so you better be save then sorry.

http://www.misterart.com/store/view/001/group_id/286/STRATHMORE-400-Series-Bristol-Pad.htm

Amazing white out for those ink smudges or nasty spots= http://www.misterart.com/store/view/001/group_id/2690/DR-PH-MARTIN-S-Bleed-Proof-White.htm

Series 7 brushes are the best brushes you can use. I actually love this brushes because they give a nice line technique but also good for coloring back grounds=
http://www.misterart.com/store/view/001/group_id/2690/DR-PH-MARTIN-S-Bleed-Proof-White.htm

G-Nips, well they are really hard to fine but these are Japaneses pens, probably the pens you see in manga.
(don't have a link sorry).

Black ink (this doesn't clog up your nibs)=http://www.docmartins.com/cpoint201/category.htm?categoryId=14514

Red ruler on the right is an amazing ruler=http://www.misterart.com/store/view/001/group_id/6486/C-Thru-Graphic-Art-Rulers.htm

and omg the BEST pens EVER (though exspensive)=http://www.misterart.com/store/view/001/group_id/930/KOH-I-NOOR-Rapidograph-Slim-Pack-Sets.htm
Saved my life! they are expensive but worth it >.